Reaching Startup Burnout
Two years ago, I left Australia to immerse myself in the Silicon Valley tech space. But I have burned out.
I ended up with anxiety and physically ill from all of the information and hustle expectations that I have imposed on myself. These were the contributing factors:
Cognitive overload
Attachment to my tech identity
Aim to become a productivity god
Edit: Wrote this in March 2021 and never published it. Am very well and rested now.
Cognitive Overload
This is the list of all the social and media resources I have been regularly consuming:
Discord and Slack groups
Clubhouse rooms
TeamBlind threads
Indiehackers threads
Medium articles
TechCrunch
A lot of SF /VC / Growth Twitter.
Podcasts
Blinklists
Substack Newsletters
Writing that list and creating the infographic makes me realize how overkill I have loading my brain with ‘knowledge’. I learned a lot from consuming all of this. From how startups in consumer and crypto spaces grow, how much software engineers make and financially invest to how to be a great operator.
The two takeaways were:
So What..?
Humans aren’t made to be this stimulated all the time.
It was not sustainable to function and think of anything else apart from tech. I came across a quote that we choose our own bubbles and this was very applicable.
So yeah, I am taking a break from all of this neuronic overload and sticking to blogging and Whatsapp for now.
My Identity Attachment
I was introduced to startups at 19 and worked for eight startups until now. Always enamored by the college student startup stories, I always wanted to see myself doing ‘that’. Chasing this status and pursuit has become a zero-sum game for me now that I have burned out.
From wearing multiple hats of marketing, operations, design, and tech, I have learned a tremendous amount. I value every experience and relationship I have fostered along the way. However, by chasing this identity and attachment a lot of my thoughts, reactions and behaviors became quite myopic.
Stuff big corporates, stay lean, work hard, and fast were the mantras I embodied. These characteristics have value but ultimately I burned out. Working hard and fast for short periods of time makes sense but like everyone — in moderation. I did not want to accept or impose barriers because it wasn’t part of my mantra.
The main takeaway: Life is a marathon, not a sprint.
I was sprinting for a long time and now I have to rest. In order to keep running this marathon, we call life.
I think it is perfectly normal to attach ourselves to identifies as it gives us a sense of purpose, we can eat and sleep because of it but when we start to deeply warp all our worldviews to one lense, our sense of sight becomes myopic.
Becoming more fluid with our self of sense, ego, and identities is my lesson. Accepting that it has served its purpose and being grateful for the experiences is the current phase. This is not to say that I will sell all of my possessions and travel to Tibet and meditate for the rest of my life. It means taking a step back from my tech absorption. Reflecting and then proceeding to choose a more flexible identity structure and purpose.
Becoming a productivity god.
In 2020, I read Atomic Habits, The Power of Habits, and The Miracle Morning. I achieved all my habits goals and felt amazing.
Waking up at 5 AM.
1-hour meditation
Working out 2 x day
Study tech for 1 hour in the morning.
10–14,000 steps x day
Gratitude journaling and reflection
Getting 7–8 hours sleep
Tracking every calorie and macro
Tracking every minute + using Pomodoro technique.
This was possible because of my “100 Days of Solitude” (I.e. Covid) and having no life in a foreign country. It’s hard to admit but this was my reality. My friends back home and in the US thought I was crazy but I ignored their opinions in order to keep working on my ambitious habits checklist. I became the fittest and most ‘productive’ I have been but at what expense?
Limited social interactions, community, and constant work, cost me my general wellbeing and trapped me into a dogma of productivity and blocking every hour of my calendar for a ‘busy’ life. Not necessarily a fulfilling life.
The main lesson sits that instilling great habits are important. Having ambitions and goals are important. However, neglecting your own humanity and wellbeing for the sake of capital and productivity status was unhealthy and unsustainable. Resistance and powering through challenges is necessary for growth but it is also important to recognize when to rest. You can’t squat 200kg if you’ve only ever trained for 60.
Burn out Summary:
Cognitive overload in a space of abundance is sometimes a bit toxic.
Deep attachment to an identity can lead to unhealthy patterns.
Productivity is cool but what about your sanity and health?
Life is a marathon, not a sprint.
Some interesting quotes I came across during my rest period:
1 .You are already wealthy and full of life.
2 .Do not yearn for this world, and do not yearn for any other world.
3. Life is progress and not a station.
I am very grateful to have the opportunity to participate in this marathon called ‘life’ and the chance to understand my life lessons.
I have a great support network and if anyone is going through a similarly tough time, please reach out via email or seek professional help. Because you matter.
Much love and thanks for reading.
Tom.